Master of your own emotions!

When your soul & mind seeks for peace and unable to sleep whole night; accusation made by the person whom you loved so much for unable to understand the situation.

When we look at the ancient history of our country we saw many examples of perfect couples as Ram and Sita and at the same time, the understanding they have is well known to us either it’s about Agni pariksha or Lakshman Rekha. In each of this difficult time, you can see the level of understanding with that amount of responsibility they have while taking a decision in life.

We dreamt a lot and planned for our future and then after few months she came up with new things “Time”.  Personal life is the course of an individual’s life, especially when viewed as the sum of personal choices contributing to one’s personal identity. Lack of time management can lead to this situation when an individual looks at the time as a reason for the ending a relationship.

“Freedom” The power or right to act, speak or think as one wants. Did that mean you can talk to whoever knowing the fact it’s not good for you? This comes into picture when either your parents or girlfriend or boyfriend try to give advice on some serious issues. I do remember mom told me to study while I want to watch a movie and that moment the word came into my mind is freedom; since she loved me a lot keep saying the same until I start studies.

What if I could have asked her something but let it be I don’t want now –

In the moonlight walking in the park, did you hold the hand of new guy as same you use to hold mine?

On the coffee table with every sip of it, do you explain him whole your life as you explained to me?

On the bike with winds blowing your hairs, do you kiss on his neck as you did on mine?

Once he drops you at your place, do you hug him the same way as you did to me?

Did you share your beautiful picture with him as you did with me?

Are you going to play with his emotions as you played with mine?

Will you?


Nuptial Surprise

“Your smile is literally the cutest I have ever seen in my life”

Unclear thought, Unclear past moving forward into the friends wedding after almost losing all the good will and good stuff Alex had in his life. The loss in business and ramping down of it does not stop him from attending Ginny’s wedding physically but mentally 200 million thoughts running through his mind.

Cold breeze day and Ginny is worried obviously wedding decision is not easy for her. I was interacting with her about our journey in the meanwhile heard a voice, Amelia Tall girl with sharp eyes with proper eyeliner, black hairs, and her smiley face her first glance. I have not talked to her much just formal interaction then we move on.

Loud Music, delicious food and winter evening with the worst moves on the beats and after 24 hours she again comes to my sight even more beautiful than the previous time Black attire glowing skin and that black necklace wait Alex does not again stop moving your thoughts the first reaction comes to my mind.

Oh shut up and I move forward to her having some words and no matter what the topic was my eyes were stuck to her lips as she opens her lips to talk and that awesome smile glancing at the beauty is the best thing you can do when you don’t have a topic to talk.  We moved into the bride room and I am trying to know her but Amelia is busy on her phone after spending about 2 hours together, I come to the conclusion that doesn’t try to understand a beautiful girl because you can’t just observe the beauty and shut your idiotic mouth.

Her attire keeps on changing the like the beautiful season from black to green then that white-red combination is like the cherry on the cream cake. Many of the guys in wedding trying to impress her but she don’t know about it and I am not one of them since I am good at judging my capability. No chance to impress the girl like her, boy remember the limits keep telling myself and the funny part is she almost called me brother. Hurt out the moment that was and like the angels go missing in the heaven she went within a span of time.

I came to know she is single and she loves her freedom but for Alex Amelia is unapproachable always.

“Feelings that come back and feel that never left”


This day big change in my life, as it’s like learning from love. Kunika was just sitting next to me in one of my friends flat and I don’t know what going to happen in the next second. As I asked her to watch movie with me and as she sit just next to me, I just move one of my hand over her head so she can put her neck and rest in my arms.

As we were sharing the beautiful time,  she is enjoy the movie but for me it’s her closeness that matters and she just kept her head on my lap and watched the rest of the movie, I was looking at her all the time and acknowledging the god’s creation and her cuteness.

My heart say common don’t miss this time at least let her know you love her so much and what she matters to you. It take me 2 hour to think should I go for it or not and finally, I moved my lips towards her ears and tell kunika are you sleeping? She said no. I just want to tell you that this is the best time I have ever had thanks for coming today and ………. I  LOVE YOU …….. (I mange that after a long wait of 4 months). She replied Thank you for loving me (frankly I am expecting more words from her but she always did the same thing).

As we are about to sleep, I was just laying right next to her with a bit confidence raised my palm on her cheek and said I am expecting something more. She replied there is no sense in going into all this stull I am going to marry in next few months (did she just said marry) my dreams shattered there only but my heart is not ready to give up.

I was unable to sleep for the whole night as she is sleeping right next to me, can feel her breath on my forearm and looking at her sleepy face I feel in love again with a girl who is going to marry someone in next few months.

Many things going in my mind and waiting for the morning. Its 10 AM and she was awake and sitting close to me and we were talking some shit, suddenly I break the terms and asked I am addicted to you, attracted towards you… do you not felt the same or a bit like that?

No I did not felt any of this stuff (My heart shrink that time) she replied straight way because if I started liking anyone then I want it or else I will cry (baby I don’t want to make you cry but at least say you felt the same).

In terms of percentage how much I impressed you, 80% she replied (God is this not enough for be a boyfriend even government jobs % is less than that) and then I tell her at last you looking amazing while you sleep.


Did she felt the same?

Its last day in office for me and I word the orange colour shirt because kunika likes that, as I picked her and we went together. I was a bit emotional as it’s my nature and I cannot change that as everyone from super eight come to me and talked about it. As we were eating breakfast and her best friend arrived at cafeteria she leave me there only and went with him, knowing that it was my last day and at that instant I make the decision not going to take to her from the next day because I cannot myself every time.

I fought with everyone to prove the kunika is the girl I can trust and she can never lie to me and she will stand with me when I need her at most but at that instant I am cursing myself and bursting out in anger. As she came back and asked me what happen? I burst out my anger and tell her what she has done and what is going to be consequence but a guy can never make a girl upset whom he love the most. I talked to her again and make things between us more comfortable, but the super eight were not happy with her because of this.

As the hours completed, I came out of the floor after meeting with everyone and the just touching the floor as a hindu tradition because this place gave me money, friends, education and most importantly kunika. We walked together as all gathered we went for a small get together and hours pass so quickly at the end of party I hugged her and said take care kunika, I am really going to miss you and I was about to say I love you but again I stopped myself.

One of my friend cum brother come to me and said you feel good after talking to her and I replied yes then don’t stop talking to her because no one matter for you when it came to kunika’s comfort. I know he is saying the truth, I acknowledge this and went home and texted kunika again take care.

As I moved to new office, I had never expected that kunika and I going to get more in touch as we used to talk on call for hours in night for weeks and share a good time but god gives you a roller coaster ride, I called her one day she is crying I don’t know what happen ? But I just want to know everything.

He proposed me? I asked who. My best friend and I tell her it’s going to happened I told you earlier. I was curious to know her reply but she said I don’t gave him answer asked for more time and my anger level went so high. I could she do this and if she is going to be with him then why is she talking to me?

As It happened in past, I compose my anger in positive way and let her take decision either me or him because I am not that kind of person who can be an option of anyone.  We did not talked much about this for two days just morning messages but somewhere in my heart I am missing her.

On the third day she text me and we started talking like stranger and I don’t want to waste time asked her can I make a call at this hour? She replied yes.

As the call start she is expecting that I want to know about the decision she replied I refused his proposal. It’s a sign of relief for me but I did not said anything more about it and diverted the point but somewhere I just want to listen from her. Did she feel the same for me due to which she refused the decision or it’s just her choice not make boyfriend let there be friend in life?

One thing I know is that God is not going to come down to help you out from this, you have to make way of your own without hurting anyone and this is the most difficult task it can be for an emotional individual like me.

Kunika can tell me that I don’t love but I can be a trusted one for you, I know she is but she never said this thing at that night and as girls are unpredicted, I too not force her for anything to say just cut the call and slept calmly after two days.

Big Decision

We keep calm while the tough face and take decisions accordingly but when you are in love with someone then taking decision is so simple because the only things left is to be with the beloved one.

Kunika was one of the weak point and everybody among my friends knows that, after the last instance things changes  and we are very slow to repair that loss due to lie. Virat scores 5 consecutive tons in Australia against Australia in test which is tuff task and anushka was there for his support everyone praises that but one bad innings and suddenly she became curse. I know kunika is my lucky charm but I never try to express this in front of everyone because one bad thing can destroy it all.

Things move to fast in life, when you love a person you used to make everything to make her happy that what I did. I know his best friend love her but I make her to meet him and look like it does not impacted me but at that time I became use to it. One day I asked her if he propose you what will you do? She is like if he had then I would had said yes, most heart breaking thing you want to listen is that she is ready to accept the proposal of other guy.

In between my birthday has passed and she is the first one to wish me as she is singing birthday song for me and my heartbeat raised with slight tears in my eyes, I again looked upwards and thanks brother (God) for this thing. They (Super 8) planned a surprise birthday treat for me as we went there and for the first time she hugged me it was mind blowing as her cheeks were just next to mine and she was to happy, after party I drop her at her place and thanks all for the treat.

Its starting of January and one of my friend called me that if you need a good job then can join this company and I was in sleep told him that ok I will be there for interview. I went there and completed my interview and they were so happy with that and accepted me as there employee.

They proposed me with two option either I can join in there company from the next day and get INR 15000 bonus as I am losing my PF there at the old company or I can join from next month with no bonus no PF. At that time 15000 is big amount for me I can pay 3 months of education loan instalment in one shot or I can buy a IPhone or I can have a second hand bike there are many task in my life but at that instant I thought spending 25 days with kunika that will much of the worth that INR 150000 as bonus and with no hesitation, I have selected the second option I will join the new organization with no bonus but with good memories. This is one of the big decision of my life as no one still knows about it not even my parents.

I put my resignation in the old organization and inform this to super 8 and one thing I am sure that I will enjoy the rest of the time so that never ever in my life I can regret on the decision of INR 15000.

Bonding between kunika and me is increased day by day and my love also increased for her as I keep singing the only song for her “ Agar tum saath ho”……tere nazaro mai mere sapne tere sapne mai main razi….



Lie Hurts

If life is so simple that is can have a different name, hurdles in life are increasing day by day and the only good thing I had are super eight my beloved friends include kunika. I changed many of ideology at the young age just for the sake that it will make my life better. One of the thing among them is I must tell truth to everyone whether it’s good or bad and I followed the same with Kunika and expected the same from her. In this world don’t expect anything from anyone because it can raise the level of your expectation and it will break you one day.

We were sharing a lot of memories since we are spending most of office time talking to each other but every story has a villain and mine has many. The most awkward guy and hated guy of the floor is somehow kunika’s best friend and as I saw them together I got to know that there is more than friendship. I followed my ideology and asked kunika that I think you were in relationship with him?

She cleared the whole scenario and if you listen to her prospect it seems that they are friends and the way he usually behave with her is not in a good manner, I always felt bad about after seeing all that but at that moment I am not one to interrupt. My intuition again said that guy loves her and she think he is just a mere friend. God why me???

It’s a normal day in office and I looked at kunika she was late as used, with pure white top full sleeves and black jeans and some on her front hairs are making me feel like its heaven. I just want to hug her but I just keep my thought within my mind and acknowledged her by waving my hand with her killing smile she replied love her.

I tried my level best to sit next to her but I can’t do that as we shared good talks and its lunch I went to her and asked for the lunch but she replied that have committed with her best friend for the lunch and I just went out with super 7, this does not make anything bad because its individual choice to whom they want to share the lunch.

As we came back and started working she came back from lunch, directly come towards my system and we keep talking and suddenly one of her friend come and said “We called you for lunch but you never listen to us when you were with him and stared smiling” and she told in symbols to him “don’t speak this in front of him and they went out” that was so frustrating and painful for a second my whole world broke down.

When she come back to me, I just broke down and told exactly what I see and what I felt and shout at her and send her back to her system but she tied to explain everything and cried but frankly at that time my anger level is so high her tears not impacting me. After an hour or so she is seating quite on her system and upset. Just for the thing I love her and I can’t lose her, I went to her and said sorry for being rude but for some days things were not same as they were in past between us. She knows that as I felt very bad and I cried a lot that day.

When you are love with someone and they hurt you, try to make the mistake correct so I did always, she repeated sort of same things for the few times, I just let her know that I felt bad and if she can stop doing this stuff in future then her relationship is going to be good. The first time I cried, second time I punched the wall like hell and I can feel the pain any time when I thought about that instance.


Things Changed

We keep seating next to each other for the next few weeks and it like two way communication now. As my intuitions are almost correct I know somewhere she can be in relationship with someone, and if she is then I should respect her decision and make her confident because I can’t lose her just for the sake she had someone more important in her life.

We were enjoying the time and sharing a lot of personal memories as it’s my nature to do so. I asked her do you have boyfriend. She told me sort of she like a guy and the guy do the same it’s more often like a relationship, time stopped for me and with tears almost in my eyes I just changed the topic and said wao that great. I was so curious to know, who is the guy the one who is in our office, most of the colleagues told me about them.

Yesterday night was bad, I was not able to sleep and decided to quit the job ASAP because I can’t see her with someone else In front of me. As I went to office, she told me about his boyfriend the story and name and the guy was in our office he just left. Knowing all the thing about that guy I lie to her and said good choice. I could have told her that he is not a good person to be with but I am not that kind of guy.

As I informed that I am planning to leave the job, within few seconds she come with a brilliant question… you are leaving this job because you got to know that I am in relationship and this time with heavy heart I told her yes.

She reacted in a good manner told me not to leave the job but at that hour of time, I have already posted my updated resumes to some consultancy and websites. I told her that day, don’t know what’s going on with me but I feel happy with you so as I know that you are in relationship so I decided to quit this job.

As a social media addict just chating with fiends, a message blinked on my phone its kunika..

We broked L

Who ?

Me and he

Ok (I don’t know how to react on this)


Before sleeping that day, a thought came to my mind. Why she told me that thing?  She could have hide that or keep it to herself and I felt a bit of importance of mine to her life. Raised my finger towards sky said thanks brother to keep me alive (I was talking to god at that time :P)